Dating The Day After Halloween

Image via thitathiti.com
Granted, Halloween was yesterday, but there’s still some Halloween fun to be had, especially if you’re in New York City. So, if you’re considering going on a date, why not incorporate some Halloween spunk? Whether you choose to rock your costume, a second costume, or no costume, there are plenty of options.

Do the traditional thing. Go to dinner, but opt for a place that turns from restaurant to lounge. This way you’ll have a shot of enjoying a Halloween party right after dinner. Miami Beach in Washington Heights is one option, but there are many restaurants that do the same.

Break tradition. Go bar-hopping with your new date. Start on Fulton in Manhattan and work your way down to various clubs. It’s near the East Village, so you know plenty of folks will still be out celebrating. Some bars even have Halloween parties after a certain hour.

Go on an unplanned adventure. Walk through Times Square or another major part of New York City and select the activity that arises, from an impromptu comedy show to all sources of entertainment.

Perhaps it’s time to let go of the same old date and experience something on the edgier side.

What dating ideas come to mind for the day after Halloween? Let us know below or send us a tweet @LatinTRENDS2010.

Is It Okay To Date More Than One Person At Once?

Image via Centives.net

Image via Centives.net

In the past, it was common for people to date one person at once. The idea was that you’d give the person you were seeing a fair chance, and if things didn’t work out, then you’d move on to the next one. For a while, it appeared that this was the way that things should be, but with the addition of dating websites, social networks, and simply put, technology, it’s getting harder to decipher what’s acceptable and what’s not.

Is there a precise “formula” for dating? How long should you see one person before moving on to the next one? Furthermore, is it okay to date more than one person at once? And while dating more than one person may seem like an appealing concept from afar, what happens when you find out you’re number two or three on the totem pole? Does your perception of a serial dater then differ?

While dating two people from say, your job, could get potentially messy, we don’t see anything wrong with getting to know more than one person at the same time. The key is to be upfront. Let the people you’re seeing know you’re seeing other people. Truth is, if you’re intensely drawn to one person, you’ll end up becoming exclusive.

What do you think about dating more than one person at the same time? Do you think it’s rude or immoral? A recipe for disaster? We want to know what you think! Leave a comment below or send us a tweet @LatinTRENDS2010.

Choosing The Dating App That’s Right For You

Image via Tinder.com

Image via Tinder.com

If you’re looking to meet new people but don’t want your friends to be your wingmen, then dating apps are the way to go. Not only are you in control of who you spend time chatting with, but it’s your choice whether you eventually meet this person or not. After the first date, if the chemistry is nonexistent, then there’s no pressure to meet again. After all, it wasn’t one of your friends who set you up. Of course, the real dilemma then becomes, with so many dating apps to choose, which one do you select?

Because we understand the struggle, we’ve broken down some of the most popular options, explaining what sets each apart:

Coffee Meets Bagel limits you to one bagel (person to get to know) per day. Most users find that this takes the “buffet” feel away from dating apps and gives it a less superficial feel.

Grouper puts a twist on the dating shtick. It’s a social club that sets up drinks and games between 3 guys and 3 girls. There’s a small fee of $20 per person. The first round of drinks is on the app, the rest of the night is up to the team.

How About We lets users propose dates others can opt into. So if, for example, you’ve had this idea of going on a karaoke date, you can write it out and wait to see who chooses to join you in your singing adventure.

Match remains one of the most popular options amidst dating apps. The app matches local users based on algorithms.

OkCupid is promoted as a social network and dating app. It lets you get in touch with people in your area based on interests.

Tinder lets you swipe “yes” or “no” on other members. When you “yes” someone who has also said “yes” to you, the application allows you to message each other within its interface.

Are you ready to give dating apps a try? If so, which one do you think you’ll use? We want to know what your experience is like. Share below or send us a tweet @LatinTRENDS2010.

Love Advice: Questions about Love, Sex and Greeting Cards with Judy Torres

Judy Torres

Ask Judy

 

Q: What is the best advice you can give a young guy who wants to ask an older woman out on a date?
A: I can answer this question by experience. I am the older woman in my relationship. And we are now engaged to be married. As an older woman, I don’t think we are interested in age as much as we are interested in your confidence and your success in life. Success, ambition, confidence with a little humility is what is sexiest. So when approaching an older woman, be yourself. Take an honest interest in who she is. And don’t bother lying to us, because we can read bs right away. And please, NEVER say things like, “You know, for an older woman you really are beautiful.” Just make us feel desired and honest.

 

Q: E-Cards or Hallmark cards?
A: To me there simply is no real thought in an e-card. It’s digital, it’s downloaded and it’s downright cold and impersonal. I love the feeling of receiving a real card, reading the inscription or poem on the inside…seeing someone’s handwriting makes it all the more special. I’m not saying I’m right, but I’m not wrong, ha ha!!

 

Q: What is your go-to song when you want to get all romantic?
A: When I want to get all romantic my go-to songs are Tango by Lara Fabian, Jezebel by Sade or Europa by Santana! Yea, those are pretty sexy! I can’t choose just one!

 

Q: What is the best song to get it on to?
A: The best song to get it on to? A lady NEVER tells! Only my fiance knows!

 

Q: How can you tell if you’re really in love?
A: You can tell you are really in love when thinking of that person makes you all giddy inside; when you find yourself thinking of that person at the worst possible moments like when you get pulled over for running a red light. That person is your first thought when you wake and your last thought before you sleep. You are in love when the thought of that person not being in your life brings you to tears.

 

Q: Sex in public places, yes or no?
A: Sex in public places? Si, si, si – if you are ready to risk being arrested, and as long as the public place is not inappropriate – like a school for example. You don’t want to get caught by children. Sex on a beach, for instance, can be tempting and exciting. Not that I would know. I only heard from others!

 

Q: Dating a co-worker. A do or a don’t?
A: Dating a co-worker is too risque! You spend the majority of your day at work. If you date a co-worker and it doesn’t work out, the workplace can become a very uncomfortable place and your performance could suffer. Worse than that, there’s gonna be lots of bochinche if he/she turns out to be a bad person.

 

Q: Sexting. Si, si, si or No, no, no?
A: Sexting?! NO! Once you type those sexy and erotic words and press “send,” your words are out there forever. Later on, if it doesn’t work out, that person could use your own words against you. But…if you are certain your texts will be private and if it is for your spouse’s eyes only and you know no one will see it go for it.

 

Q: Best love advice you’ve gotten from your parents?
A: The best advice my mother gave me about love was that love does not hurt. It should make you feel good, it should lift you up and it should NEVER put you down. And her words have helped me out of very unhealthy situations quickly!

Love Advice: Should I Leave My Young Lover?

[Originally published in LatinTRENDS Magazine Issue #106; March 2014]
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Judy Torres

Ask Judy

 

Dear Judy,

I am what is called a cuarentona. I’m forty but I’m fit and I have a teenage son. I pay for my son to attend a private school and he is doing very well. No problem there. The thing is that I am dating a younger guy. My guy is 22. We’ve been dating for three months and he wants me to meet his mother. I’ve been coming up with excuses but a good friend of mine helped me to see that I’m just insecure. I just assume his mother will not approve.

Being a mom myself, I think I know how she might feel. Also, I’m not in love. I just really like this guy. Do you think it’s time for me to leave my young lover? I know this relationship is limited. What do you think? Is our time up?

Abrazos,
La Cuarentona

 

Dear Cuarentona,

You are, what is called “human.” There is nothing wrong with age differences MOST of the time, provided that you are not liable to be arrested for statutory rape. In this case, he is 22, and you are 40. Let’s do the math. You are 18 years older than him. You have lived life, gained wisdom, and have had enough heartache in life to know that love will always give you more chances. At 22 your guy hasn’t. His life is just beginning, in a way. What do you really have in common?

At 40, sometimes we notice our mortality. We know that in 10 years, we will be considered middle-aged, and to have the attention of a hot, handsome 22 year old has GOT to make you feel sexy, attractive and wanted. And who doesn’t want to feel that way?

If you were just having an affair, a fling, and both of you knew that’s what this is, then I would say keep having fun. But big alarms went off in my head when you mentioned that he wants you to meet his mother. That means he is thinking that this is a serious relationship. As for his mother, of course she’s not going to like it at all because she will see the potential for her son to be hurt.

I suggest you don’t even show your face to her unless you are ready to confess your love for him. Your’e not in love with him. It looks like you’re just having fun. And let’s just call a spade a spade here. Your young lover is your boy toy. And you are his MILF (Mother I’d like to #%@)…you are the cougar, haha. It’s fun in the beginning, and 3 months is about the time where people decide to go exclusive. So a decision needs to be made here. And since your are not in love with him that decision is simple. STOP it.

It’s time to end it. I say let him go, and allow him to bring a woman who actually loves him to meet his mother one day. But that woman is not you. Cuarentona, this is a lesson for you too. I’m 45, and being in our 40’s we know by now that the heart is not to be played with. So, if you wouldn’t want someone to just use you, don’t use him. Good luck!!

Love,
Judy

Love Advice: Meddling Mother Dearest

[Originally published for LatinTRENDS magazine December 2011 Issue #84]
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Judy Torres

Ask Judy

 

Dear Judy,

I’m a 31 year old woman living in her own house. I have an advanced degree, a good job, lots of friends, and an overall great life. Last March, I met a man named Emmanuel. We got to know each other, began dating that June, and things have been going wonderfully ever since. Currently, we are exclusive with one another, but we aren’t engaged or living together. If things are still this wonderful after our 1-year anniversary, we want to take our relationship to engagement and, eventually marriage.

So, what’s the problem? In a word: my mother. Though she hasn’t met him (she lives in another state,) she feels as though he isn’t progressing fast enough, and that if he were really “in love with me” and not looking at me as just a “good time girl,” he would have moved in with me and gotten engaged to me already. I tried to explain to her that I didn’t want to rush things – and neither did he – but she says that my “advanced age” means that I should be hurrying up and getting married.

I love my mother dearly, but I just feel like she is being irrational with this rushing of this relationship, and this will eventually cause tension between everyone where there needn’t be. I love Emmanuel very much, and don’t want to risk losing him or our relationship by rushing into things. So what do you think?

Sincerely,
Reina

 

Dear Reina,

Considering the fact that you are well-educated, something tells me you already instinctively know what to do. But as your friend who cares for your happiness and well-being, here is my advice.

I’ve said this more than once here, but I’ll say it again: my mom always told me that it takes a year and a half to really truly know someone. Therefore, your decision to take things slowly is the absolute right thing to do. Why rush? Tell your mom that you know she loves you, and you’re proud that she raised you to be an intelligent and articulate woman, capable of making wise decisions. Le her know that her advice is duly noted, and you consider yourself fully warned.

Too many people today get married too quickly – sometimes as soon as 6 months after they meet – only to discover a year after marriage they got married for the wrong reasons. Almost 50% of marriages end in divorce, so to save yourself heartache AND money, take your time. You, me dear, have chosen right. If your boyfriend has the best intentions, he will wait for you.

Your mom thinks you should at least live together? Why play house without the commitment? In a year, you have a chance to develop the relationship and lay the proper foundation for marriage. You’ll have time to get to know one another intimately, you’ll have enough arguments, and you’ll learn how compatible you really are. It’s better to learn now than learn a hard and heartbreaking lesson later.

Now, the bottom line is that at the adult age of 31, you must now live your own life, make your own decisions and yes, even have the chance to make your own mistakes. You have reached a moment in your life we all dread: the day you have to disagree with Mom. Talk to her gently – and lovingly – and let her know that while you appreciate and love her, you have to follow your gut, and your gut is telling you to wait. For the record, 31 IS YOUNG to be married nowadays: tell Mom that I am single, unmarried, with no boyfriend and I’m 41…and I’m single because I want to marry Mr. Right, not Mr. Almost-Right!

Don’t settle and be sure. Be sure he is who you want, and love will be there no matter how long! Good luck and I hope to be a guest at your wedding in about 2 years!

Love,
Judy

‘THE SWIRL’ MOVIE ON DIGITAL DOWNLOAD MAY 27

swirlfinal

 

Moguldom Studios is kicking off Summer 2014 with a series of groundbreaking and thought‐provoking films including A Genius leaves The Hood, Gunland, The Swirl, Black Church, Inc., Bottoms Up and 72%. The Swirl is scheduled to be released on May 27, 2014.

Known for their revolutionary style of documentaries called “docutainment,” Moguldom Studios is leading the way in producing non‐theatrical films through digital networks by keeping at the pulse of trending topics that are relevant in today’s ever‐evolving world. Moguldom Studios has seen enormous success with this style of releases, with A Genius Leaves The Hood: The Unauthorized Story of Jay‐Z debuting as one of the best‐selling documentaries on Google Play and iTunes. A Genius Leaves The Hood is also on Google Play’s top 10 list along with Gunland, another recently released documentary.

The Swirl tackles societal and cultural issues relating to interracial dating, asking the question; Is it the new trend or still taboo? There was a time when interracial dating was a taboo practice that could lead to physical harm or even death. Today it seems to be of greater acceptance as with celebrity power couples Kanye West and Kim Kardashian or Ice-T and Coco. The Swirl takes a comedic look at this serious topic by digging into the cultural shift in attitudes around interracial relationships.

The Swirl unveils the real‐life conversations folks are having in the shadows on the subject that have finally been brought to light in this enlightening and entertaining documentary. Speaking to men and women on both sides of the debate, the feature length documentary delivers honest and hilarious dialogue on interracial dating by comedians such as Esther Ku, Rodney Perry, and Reggie Jackson.

The film dares viewers to take a hard look at their own perceptions. Through in‐depth interviews, expert commentary, comedic conjecture and surprising statistical data, the film covers everything from self‐hate and racism to the concept of love being colorblind.

Whether you turn up your nose and wince every time you see someone dating outside his or her race or accept “swirling” with open arms, this film bravely addresses the realities of race relations in the 21st century. The Swirl forces us to speak openly and honestly about interracial dating in a way not often discussed in public. When the final credits roll, you’ll be left with a brand new perspective that will either reshape or reconfirm your views on this taboo topic.

Moguldom Studios is very excited about the lineup of groundbreaking documentary releases for Summer 2014. These films represent the always‐evolving issues as they relate to society and culture,” says Marve Frazier, Chief Creative Officer at Moguldom Media Group. “It is our vision for those who view the documentaries, to not only be entertained, but to walk away with knowledge to affect change,” she adds.

The Swirl will be released on May 27, 2014, with the DVD and digital download available for Purchase on Amazon.com, Google Play, iTunes and www.moguldomstudios.com.

Production credits include Tabari Sturdivant as Director and Producer, as well as Jamarlin Martin, Marve Frazier, Barion L. Grant as Executive Producers.

 

Do you think interracial dating has become more common or still taboo? Let us know by commenting below.

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www.moguldomstudios.com/films/the­‐swirl/

Love Advice: I’m Dating a Commitment-Phobe

[Originally published for LatinTRENDS magazine March 2013 Issue #96]
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Judy Torres

Ask Judy

 

Dear Ms. Torres

(friend in my head),

I’ve been dating this guy for about five months. We are both well traveled, we graduated from Columbia, we each own our own businesses…but something isn’t right.

I’m not bad looking, I cook, I clean, I’m fun! But Mr. Perfect just doesn’t seem to want to…commit! It’s like he’s beating around the bush. He gets weird when we talk about emotional things – I think I’m done.

Do you think I’m cutting out too fast? Should I stay and wait a little longer? Am I expecting too much? Is it wrong to expect anything at all just a few months in?

Ok, I realize I have just asked you a whole lot of questions. I’m sorry…but Help!

Sincerely,
Ms. Can’t Think Of a Clever Pseudonym

 

Dear Ms. Can’t Think of a Clever Pseudonym, (friend in my head too!)

I have a strange rule when it comes to dating. I call it the Three Rule. Three conversations – you know you’re interested in a date. Three dates – you know whether you want to pursue a relationship. Three months – You know whether you want this to be a long-term relationship, exclusivity. Three years – Commitment.

You’ve been together for about five months. You have so many questions. I do think your relationship is still somewhat new, but not so new that you don’t know where you’re both headed.

On my first date with my current boyfriend of almost 2 years, although it was scary, I told him, “I want you to know that I’m not looking for a fling. Been there, done that. I am looking for the one, a husband, someone to share the rest of my life with.” I was afraid he would run out the door. He didn’t.

My dear, you need to TALK to him. Simply ask him what he wants, where he sees this going, and where he sees himself going in a year, and in five years. There’s a book written by Steve Harvey called, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. Read it. He is very honest about how men think.

Good luck, and I love being the friend in your head!

Love,
Judy

Love Advice: I Can’t Forget My Ex!

[Originally published for DTM magazine December 2009 Issue #64]
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Judy Torres

Ask Judy

 

Dear Judy,

I am with my boyfriend for over two years and we are planning to get married soon. About a month ago, my friends and I went to a club and I ran into my ex-boyfriend. He looked better than ever and I just wanted to touch and kiss him. We didn’t, because I obviously have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend, but we have been talking every day since we reunited. We even planned a little weekend trip together. I don’t know if I should try to get him back because all I can think about is him, and I feel horrible because I am going to be engaged soon. What do I do?

-Jen

 

Dear Jen,

Ah, the famous case of the ex-boyfriend! Ladies, whenever you’re in a really pivotal point in your relationship, the ex-boyfriend will show up! It’s almost like he has a radar detector that tells him to come back when you’ve finally found some joy in your life with someone else. But we call him an “X” because WE CROSSED HIM OUT OF OUR LIVES!

There is a reason why your past relationships didn’t work out. Did you suddenly forget why you broke up with your ex in the first place? Also, let’s look at your ex for a second. He has a girlfriend and he’s thinking of cheating on her with you? Don’t you think that means if you reunite with him, he will eventually cheat on you too?

Remember that freestyle song that went, “Temptations is a part of life, it doesn’t matter if it’s wrong or right?” Every relationship at some point will be tested…looks like it’s your turn, Jen! Why would you want to go backward and not forward? It’s like trying to drive a car but constantly looking in the rearview mirror. You’re not going anywhere.

Let’s look at this in another way: you’re only 26, Jen. Nowadays women get married in their 30s and 40s. You may simply not be ready and that is totally okay. I’ve spoken to so many people who have been divorced.

And when I ask them why it didn’t work, almost all of them tell me, “We got married for the wrong reasons.” Ask yourself why you’re getting married. Are they for the right reasons?

I have a sneaky suspicion you are purposely sabotaging yourself, trying to create a situation where he will leave you first. If you’re not ready to be married, don’t do it. If you really want to entertain the ex and find out where it will go, you must cut your ties properly. If you want to marry your current boyfriend, then STOP this madness. Be happy – but be honest with yourself!

By the way, how would you feel if you found out your boyfriend was planning a weekend with his ex? Good luck, Jen!

Love,
Judy

Love Advice: Am I Gay?

[Originally published for DTM magazine November 2009 Issue #63]
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Judy Torres

Ask Judy

 

Dear Judy,

When my girlfriend left me, I was devastated. My best friend, Carlos — who I grew up with — started to take care of me. Carlos is gay and so are most of his friends. We started to hang out in all the gay spots around the city and I had a really good time. I know that I am straight but I have developed really strong feelings for him. I love it when he touches me, and when we lay together watching a movie. I am very confused because I never felt this way towards another man. All I look forward to is the time I spend with Carlos. Am I gay or just going through a difficult break-up?

 

Dear Friend,

I love that you sent me this question, because I think this situation is more common amongst 20-somethings than most people think. Relationship breakups suck. That’s the truth and the only way to get over it is to go through the pain of it.

So your best friend, Carlos, is gay? First of all, that doesn’t mean that you are gay at all. Nowadays we all have gay friends, whether we know it or not! You say that you are straight, but that you’ve developed strong feelings for him. Well, if you love it when he touches you, and when you lay together watching a movie, I don’t think it feels good just because you’re heartbroken – I think it’s possible you may have had feelings for him all along, and you’re only realizing it now.

I cannot personally tell you whether you are gay or not, because there is a broad spectrum when talking about sexuality. You may be heterosexual, homosexual, or bi-sexual. Some people think sexuality is a very black and white issue — you are either straight or you’re gay. I think it’s possible to be straight but be attracted to one man. But I also think it’s possible that you’re gay.

At the end of the day, ask yourself how you feel when you are in these gay clubs. Are you comfortable? Do you notice your eyes wandering and thinking, “hmm, he’s hot!” Your sexuality is your business, and it has to be your decision.

In your heart, I think you already have your answer. Part of finding out may be deciding to “experiment” – if it feels good to you, and you feel no shame or discomfort, you will know. Please do not allow anyone to influence your decision. Give yourself time, give yourself permission to have the feelings you have, and see where it goes. Most of all, whether straight or gay, always use protection. Your heart will not mislead you – just listen to it. Good luck – you deserve to find your own happiness.

Love,
Judy