Love Advice: I Can’t Forget My Ex!

Shelley Mendoza

September 27, 2018

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Ask Judy

Dear Judy,

I am with my boyfriend for over two years and we are planning to get married soon. About a month ago, my friends and I went to a club and I ran into my ex-boyfriend. He looked better than ever and I just wanted to touch and kiss him. We didn’t, because I obviously have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend, but we have been talking every day since we reunited. We even planned a little weekend trip together. I don’t know if I should try to get him back because all I can think about is him, and I feel horrible because I am going to be engaged soon. What do I do?

-Jen

Dear Jen,

Ah, the famous case of the ex-boyfriend! Ladies, whenever you’re in a really pivotal point in your relationship, the ex-boyfriend will show up! It’s almost like he has a radar detector that tells him to come back when you’ve finally found some joy in your life with someone else. But we call him an “X” because WE CROSSED HIM OUT OF OUR LIVES!

There is a reason why your past relationships didn’t work out. Did you suddenly forget why you broke up with your ex in the first place? Also, let’s look at your ex for a second. He has a girlfriend and he’s thinking of cheating on her with you? Don’t you think that means if you reunite with him, he will eventually cheat on you too?

Remember that freestyle song that went, “Temptations is a part of life, it doesn’t matter if it’s wrong or right?” Every relationship at some point will be tested…looks like it’s your turn, Jen! Why would you want to go backward and not forward? It’s like trying to drive a car but constantly looking in the rearview mirror. You’re not going anywhere.

Let’s look at this in another way: you’re only 26, Jen. Nowadays women get married in their 30s and 40s. You may simply not be ready and that is totally okay. I’ve spoken to so many people who have been divorced.

And when I ask them why it didn’t work, almost all of them tell me, “We got married for the wrong reasons.” Ask yourself why you’re getting married. Are they for the right reasons?

I have a sneaky suspicion you are purposely sabotaging yourself, trying to create a situation where he will leave you first. If you’re not ready to be married, don’t do it. If you really want to entertain the ex and find out where it will go, you must cut your ties properly. If you want to marry your current boyfriend, then STOP this madness. Be happy – but be honest with yourself!

By the way, how would you feel if you found out your boyfriend was planning a weekend with his ex? Good luck, Jen!

Love,
Judy

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