Love Advice: Disrespected Me But He’s Sorry…

Ask Judy

 

Querida Judy,

My boyfriend and I have been on the outs lately and the worst part is that we live together so we have to deal with each other every single day. I work from home, so I’m in this hostile space all day.

Last week, my boyfriend and I went out on a date with other couples. He invited one more person though. A stripper! She didn’t come with a date but she came with her twins hanging out (if you know what I mean). I began interrogating him…who is this woman, how do you know her, why did you invite her?

The whole thing ended up with he and I coming to blows! He was mostly blocking my girly punches, but I did break his pinky finger. We are barely on speaking terms and I realize that I may have been acting out, maybe I was insecure, maybe he was wrong, maybe this, maybe that.

The point is that I am sorry and so is he. Do you think that after we showed each other so much disrespect and in
front of our friends AND in a public space, that we can come back from this hell and love again?

Sincerely,
Insegurita

 

Dear Insegurita:

Broken pinky finger. Blows. Stripper. This all sounds so Jerry Springer to me. In other words, your relationship seems HIGHLY dysfunctional. Chica, I live by one standard that has never steered me wrong: home is a safe place. At home I can be myself. It is the one place on earth where no matter how bad my day went, once I walk through the door, serenity envelops me. Home is especially NOT a place of hostility. So, I live by the belief that if my home cannot be that safe place full of peace & love, someone has got to go.

He invited someone WITHOUT telling you, and to make matters worse, he invited a stripper?! Sorry, but he definitely knows her from somewhere…wonder where? And though I have no proof, I get a strong feeling that he invited her to get a rise out of you. And it worked. He obviously might have been sabotaging things so you would break it off. To me, once things get physical, and you are behaving in unladylike ways, it’s time for a break.

You mention that your boyfriend is sorry, but I read nothing in the letter where he asked your forgiveness. Better to live alone and be in peace, than to live with someone who leaves your heart in pieces. Love is patient, love is kind. My dear, love does not hurt. You need a break. You need solitude. Remember home is peaceful…and I truly wish you peace.

Love,
Judy